new bra from victoria secret! :)
A woman stands in her bedroom. She is with her attractive male lover. The air is filled with desire. They both look into each other’s eyes. The female, with a slightly bashful smile, takes off her clothes, starting with the pants first, and finally the shirt. She is wearing the bra. The man’s eyes opened wider in interest. His interest is peaked. The woman strutted closer to him, her eyes batting and her smile growing. She leans into his ear and with a breathy voice, she spoke:
“Lettuce fuck.”
reblogging for “lettuce fuck” pun. XDDDD
(Source: pretzeljesus)
This was not written by me but it’s a really interesting read.
We hadn’t always been here. But the neighborhood has. Even before it was a neighborhood on earth this one had been here. Here for those that would be lost on those cursed grounds, here for those who would die long before their real…
Damn….
- America: where the hell is my hamburger?
- Britain: where the bloody hell are my spell books?!
- France: This shampoo looks like black hair dye...
- Canada: KumaSanto? Where are you?!
- N.Italy: The Pasta's gone?
- Germany: What do you mean Italy's new Russian territory?!
- Japan: I can't find my camera...
- Hungary: I CAN'T FIND AUSTRIA!!
- Austria: I think I've gotten lost again.
- China: Japan is missing?!
- Russia: Belarus is somewhere in my house and I can't find her...
- Belarus: What do you mean Brother married someone else?!
- Sweden: Wh're's Tino?
- Finland: I CAN'T FIND PETER!
- Sealand: WHAT DO YOU MEAN SANTA DIDN'T COME?!?!
- South Korea: So Aniki doesn't love me?
- S.Italy: The fuck do you mean the fucking Pasta's gone, you bastard?
- Prussia: You guys can't hear or see me?.....
- Holy Roman Empire: I...won't get..to keep my...promise...to her..........
- Grandpa Rome: Are My grandsons ok?
a relationship is like a house
if a lightbulb goes out, you don’t buy a new house, you just change the lightbulb.
unless that house is a lying whore
then you burn the fucker to the ground and buy a better house with lights that you can fucking count on.
I remember my first eagle ceremony when I turned nine. The first eagle you get is always declawed, which I always thought was pretty inhumane, but it was a good way to ease into caring for the birds. My eagle (named Baldy, because I wasn’t a terribly clever child) was already quite old when I received him (he was a rescue eagle, luckily) but I did have him until I was 16. I don’t know if I was more excited about getting my drivers license that year, or my new eagle! You should have seen the party we had when I got him, too! Grilled hot dogs and fire works and lemonade…. obviously I named my beautiful new eagle Freedom. He’s too big to keep inside anymore, unfortunately, but we’ve got a pretty comfortable roost for him on our apartment’s balcony.
Ah, yes, the eagle ceremony! My Justice and I remember his quite well. (They had just come out with telepathic link transplants when I got him, which is how I know he remembers it.) Our celebration was quite modest, compared to Freedom’s—apple pie under a cloudless summer sky as we signed our Declaration of Interdependence. I still have the inked and talon-pierced document hanging on my wall.
what is this
Get out Canada
I was so scared during my pet eagle ceremony I almost threw up. But Stonewall Jackson and I have been best friends ever since. My dad and grandfather built a really massive roost behind the house for my eagle and my sisters’ eagles. Stonewall always waits for me when I get home from class since schools are getting so over protective and strict these days and won’t allow eagles indoors. Which just goes to show how much we’re bubble wrapping kids today. Back in the day, if you couldn’t handle a few stitches because you pissed off the wrong kid’s eagle, you had to just man up and learn your lesson!
Ooo, I never miss a chance to tell this story! I had a rather unusual first eagle ceremony. The traditional giant American flag that you wave around to summon your eagle had been severely damaged the week prior (a ceremony that had not gone according to plan, but the child only suffered minor talon wounds. The flag took the brunt of the attack). Anyway, I couldn’t use the normal flag so we had to search ALL OVER for one suitable for eagle summoning. Unfortunately the stripes weren’t the correct shade of patriotic red so everyone was worried an eagle wouldn’t show up at all. I had to stand in the middle of that wheat field, the wind creating amber waves out of it, shaking that flag in the air for over three hours. Everyone was just about to give up when suddenly Patriot appeared out of nowhere! He came to me so quickly it was like he was apologizing for being late. And we’ve been together ever since.
Some people think it’s excessive to have two eagles. But what can I say, I’m a two eagles kind of guy. Well, I can say, “You must be a terrorist to call me out over my excesses,” but I digress. We don’t have many open fields around here, so I got Liberty by waving my flag atop a decommissioned WWII aircraft carrier. I was kicking a couple of boxes of tea into the harbor for good measure, and there she was. I loved her so much I repeated the process a year later and got young Colbert here. It’s hard work, raising two eagles, but I have two shoulders, after all. Besides, I know that the secret to happy and healthy eagles is plenty of Bud Light.
Oh man, the eagle ceremony. I was a weird fucking kid, okay, so I was totally sure that the eagle ceremony wasn’t just going to net me my eagle and deepen the mystical bond between a citizen and their country, I thought I was going to get to turn into an eagle too. So me and my mom and my dad and my little brother are all standing in the old civil war battleground, surrounded by the ghosts of our fallen soldiers, and all and the problem here — it’s not usually a problem because I make sure to shave my beard off twice a day, three times on sundays — was that I am, actually, born on the fourth of July. So it wasn’t just one eagle that showed up, it was pretty much every big old patriotic warbird in Missouri, all flapping around confused and pissed off, their innate senses of direction completely fucked up by the way firecracker babies warp America’s natural system of ley lines. And I was six, so grabbed the flag and ran with it over my shoulders, rippling in the wind, thinking it was going to turn into wings for me and I would go be an eagle with all the other eagles. Instead I just got mobbed by a freaked-out mess of nationalistic avians who all weighed more than I did. I lost half my nose and my whole left arm and spent most of fourth grade in reconstructive surgery getting machine guns welded on to the shattered remains of my ulna. Completely missed my little brother’s eagle ceremony, which I will always regret, but it was all worth it to have met Columbia. I never did turn into an eagle on the outside, but I like to think those long hours in the hospital, feeding her rubbing alcohol and my own blood, have made me an eagle in my heart.
I remember my first eagle ceremony like it was yesterday, There was a huge storm that day and my parents tried to make me wait a few days until the storm subsided. But I was not waiting to get my eagle. So I stood out in the field closest to my house. Thunder rumbling, lightening cracking, and hurricane force winds, but I stood my ground. I was getting me eagle that day if it killed me. I raised the giant american flag as high in the air I could and began waving. The flag was hard to hold with all of the wind, and water the flag was soaking up. It was getting harder to hold by the minute and the storm was getting worse and worse. I was beginning to loose hope that my eagle would ever come. Then as the lightening flashed and the thunder boomed its loudest and its brightest, I saw Bravery flying towards me. So strong, young, and majestic. We both braved the storm to find each other and to this day we are best friends.
wait did I make a meme when did this happen
(Source: oliviahopeful)
SerenaXiyade is OPEN for Costume Commissions
Spring has come around and my new work studio is finally ready, so it’s time to make you guys some costumes!
Here’s what you need to know about the way I work:
- Simple Pricing- I ask for one flat price for the materials and work after assessing reference pictures. No hourly rate!
- Proper Materials- No goddamn costume satin or raschel lace, jeez
- Prompt Communication- I’ll probably message you too much about each step to keep you updated.
- Local/International Shipping
- Located in NYC/NJ USA- I’ll take your measurements and you can come in for fittings if you’re nearby, and if not I’ll ship you your costume!
- Honesty- If I know that the costume you are asking for is outside of my capabilities or I will be unable to get it to you in time for your event, I will tell you. I would never sell you something I wouldn’t wear myself!
To contact me for a quote, please use private messaging on Facebook, DeviantArt, or email! Please feel free to use the links to familiarize yourself with the kinds of costumes I make.
Please please please do not send me Tumblr Asks for quotes! Any other questions are fine though.
WANT TO WIN A FREE CUSTOM COSTUME?
REBLOG THIS POST~!To get the word out about my commissions, I’m holding a little giveaway! All you have to do to enter is reblog this post!
- Seriously, just reblog
- You don’t have to be following me
- Unless you want to see nonstop Legend of Zelda and Adventure Time, and hentai on Sundays, then by all means follow me
- Likes do not count
- Reblog as much as you want
- Just don’t piss off your followers
- Keep your Ask box open so I can contact you if you win!
I’ll be randomly choosing TWO WINNERS on April 20th, 2013!
If you win:
- I will make you two pieces of the costume of your choosing, to your custom measurements, and ship them to you for free!
- I will send you an Ask with a congratulatory note, instructions, and my email address.
- You MUST email me within 3 days, or I will choose someone else!
- I will only spend $30 on the materials for your costume, so keep that in mind!
- I love outfits with vinyl, pvc, and any kind of faux leather, and I love to make Vocaloid costumes, but you can send me references from anything!
- I’m telling you now though, I can only make the clothes- no armor, props, or wig styling, I’m sorry!
Alright, get reblogging! <3
So fucking sad…….but I always wondered where is ash’s dad?
I could have sworn Giovanni was his dad.
….. this hits home :c
I want to cry….:(
SHINE BRIGHT LIKE BUTT SEX
this one goes along with my shine bright like a vagina post XD
(Source: meanplastic)
